thus making me awesome and them whores
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
