She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
