I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In America we eat man semen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
