my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
