is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
bring money and cleavage
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
