Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
