If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't put those talents on a resume
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
