he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
