Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
