the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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