I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
