spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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