I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
