the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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