ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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