Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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