Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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