Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
