he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
