tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
