i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
