Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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