Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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