put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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