he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize