If that was your dad, he is hot
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think your dad took our porno
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
