Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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