Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
