Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize