Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize