I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
