Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
