she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
