A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
