so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
