Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
