WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
