Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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