So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
