planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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