Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
