Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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