I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
