1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
