Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
