im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
