3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
