My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
