Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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