So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
