Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
