sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
