i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
