They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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