There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
