Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
