Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
