There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize