I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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