I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
honey bunches of taint.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everyone says I win the strip club
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
