Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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