we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize