We're facebook friends in real life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
