You made me cry and you don't even care
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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