I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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