White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize