Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
