Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
