There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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