How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
