I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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