Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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