I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
