$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
