so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
