Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
