Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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