i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
